Exploring the realities of Korean-Filipino marriages By Cathy Rose A. Garcia, abs-cbnNEWS.com

MANILA, Philippines - Filipino fans of Koreanovelas may harbor fantasies of marrying their Korean Prince Charming someday, but the reality can be quite different from the happy endings they see on television.

Language barriers, culture shock, and even domestic violence are just some of the challenges facing Filipina brides or so-called "marriage migrants" when they move to South Korea.

In 2010, an average of 130 Filipino marriage migrants arrived in Korea every month. Most of these marriages between Filipina women and Korean men are arranged by "marriage brokers" in Korea, despite the fact that this is illegal in Philippines under R.A. 6955 or Anti-Mail Order Bride Law of 1990.

Statistics from the Korea Immigration Service showed as of April 2011, there are 7,550 Filipino marriage immigrants living in Korea. The Philippines is said to be ranked as the third preferred source of foreign wives of Korean men, after China and Vietnam.

Many of these Filipina migrants are usually from the provinces and are motivated by financial reasons to seek out arranged marriages with Koreans. They have little information and almost no preparation for their new lives in South Korea, save perhaps for what they have seen on Koreanovelas.

The Philippine Embassy in South Korea recently came out with a short video that serves as a guide for Filipino marriage migrants or those planning to marry Korean nationals in Korea.

The 30-minute video was directed by Carlo Cruz and narrated by Consul-General Sylvia Marasigan, who was also the project head. It introduces viewers to family life culture in Korea, shows experiences and advice of married Filipinos and includes a section on how the welfare of Filipino marriage migrants can be protected.

Common problems

One of the most common problems between Filipina wives and Korean husbands is the language. Many Filipinas come to Korea with almost no knowledge of Korean, and their Korean husbands often do not know how to speak English.

"Madalas ang problema ay ang language, kasi di marunong mag-Korean ang Pilipina at hindi rin marunong mag-Ingles ang Koreano, o kung marunong man ay konti lang. Importante ang communication sa mag-asawa, kaya nagkakaroon sila ng problema," said Sister Lucia Olalia of the Kasan Migrant Center, in the video.

Filipino brides are usually advised to make the effort to learn how to speak and read Korean language and the culture before they come to South Korea.

Frustrations in the marriage usually lead to domestic violence, Olalia said.

"Itong domestic violence ay madalas off-shoot ng mga frustrations ng dalawang mag-asawa. Frustrated ang Koreano dahil iba ang kanyang expectations. Frustrated din ang Pilipina dahil iba ang in-eexpect. Lalo na yun mga nag-asawa sa agency," she said.

Marie Frenzie Dais, who was married to a Korean, recalled some problems she had with her husband.

"Yun pag-sasama namin may konting gulo na. Yung asawa ko pag-gabi na umuuwi, laging lasing. Pagdating ng pangatlo kong anak, nung time na buntis ako, nagkagulo kami, doon kami nagumpisang mag-hiwalay," Dais said.

Irvin Bequillo of the Loving Mothers Center in Daegu said the center has received complaints from Filipina wives who experienced abuse at the hands of their husbands.

"Ang pangatlong kaso ng mga kababayan natin ay ang pambubugbog ng mga asawa. Sila ay lumalapit sa center upang mailayo sila sa violente nilang asawa. Ang center ay nagproprovide din ng shelter. Pinag-uusap sila kung ano ang pinagtalo ng mag-asawa. Kung di sila magkaka-ayos ay tutulungan sila sa shelter ng mga madre," Bequillo said.

Another problem is that Korean husbands do not usually give money to their wives, so the women are forced to find jobs.

"Isa pa sa problema ng kababayan ay di sila binibigyan ng pera ng mga Koreanong asaswa. Ang ginagawa nila ay maghanap ng trabaho, para matustusan ang pangangailangan pang-araw-araw," said Bequillo.

Valuable advice for happy marriage

While some Filipinas may experience marital problems, there are others who have remained happily married to Koreans. Fe Kim and Grace Park of the Filipino-Korea Spouses Association shared their advice on how Filipinas can face these challenges.

"Ang mga mapapayo ko sa mga Pilipino na mag-aasawa ng Koreano, unang-una bago sila pumunta sa Korea,  ay mag-aral muna sila ng Korean language at alamin nila ang kultura sa Korea, kung matanggap ba nila o hindi, para sa kanilang kapakanan," Kim said.

Park, on the other hand, said it was important for Filipina wives to understand and respect Korean culture.

"Ang pinakamahalaga ay ang intindihin po natin ang kultura ng ating asawa at unawain at higit sa lahat, ituring na sariling atin ang kultura na yan. We should be very proud of our husband's culture and at the same time, turuan natin ang ating asawa na malaman din ang culture natin," Park said.

Kim emphasized the importance of showing the Korean in-laws that you are willing to work and adapt to their ways.

"You should do the job, kung maghugas ng maraming plato, pag may affair dito, kailangan gawin mo. Di yung mag-feeling Senorita ka. Kailangan kung ano pinagawa sa yo, as long as di ka sinasaktan, you should do it, mula sa puso mo, at marunong ka makisama. Kung asawa ka ng Korean, dapat marunong ka makisama sa mga Koreans, lalo na sa pamilya niya," she added.

Dreams, despair of 'migrant brides' in Paju By Kim Young-jin

P AJU, Gyeonggi Province. Nguyen Thi Thang, a Vietnamese woman married to a Korean man, quietly wants a divorce. But she rarely entertains the thought returning to her hometown farm would deprive her five-year-old son of growing up in a developed country.
The marriage was brokered four years ago by a family acquaintance, with the groom more than likely paying under the table for the matchmaking.
But it is not because of him that she wants out  it‘s her in-laws.
I get abuse from them every day,‖ said Nguyen, 34, who works in a ginseng factory in this city nestled into the greenery of northern Gyeonggi Province. But I have to think about my child.Things are brighter for her co-worker, Dinh Thi Khuyen.
The 26-year-old who arrived five years ago says she‘s living happily despite the age gap of over 20 years with her office worker husband, especially since she learned Korean.
It‘s less frustrating these days. My husband treats me pretty well,‖ Dinh said.
They are among the some 1,300 migrant wives‖ living in Paju after marry-ing Korean men through formal or infor-mal brokers.
A walk around this city heavily concen-trated with migrant workers and spouses shows their experience runs the gamut from domestic happiness to physical and verbal abuse to sudden nightmares. Their wellbeing remains tenuous and things can spin quickly out of control.
Korea’s hard look in the mirror
Paju is facing the same problem as many rural areas in Asia: young, educated women are flocking to big cities, leaving the men without potential mates.
Increasingly, these bachelors look overseas, mostly to China and Southeast Asia, for spouses, using matchmaking services that ar-range tours to meet and marry women, usually seeking a better life in a richer country.
Of the some 190,000 such women who now reside in Korea, many say they were duped by brokers into a false vision of what life would be like, ending up with much older men, often with physical or mental disabilities.
In May, the second Vietnamese bride in a year was murdered in Cheongdo in the south-eastern part of the country, sending ripples of fear among married migrants.
A similar murder a year earlier of a woman who had arrived in the country just days earlier prompted the government to crack down on illegal brokers and educate husbands on how to treat the new brides.
I see these brides, so young and pretty,‖ said Cho Yun-hi, head of the Paju Multicultural Family Support Center that provides them with a wide range of educative services as well as family counseling. They want to live a better life but the husbands are so old and often die soon. It makes me angry.‖
The demand for such services, as well as the ugly incidents involving them, are forcing Ko-reans, who have long prided themselves on homogeneity to take a hard look at who com-prises their society and how to treat them amid a dwindling birthrate.
Through the cracks
Migration experts say establishing thorough government oversight of the phenomenon will take time, and urge pan-societal efforts, from the government to NGOs, to help create a soft nest for the brides when they arrive.

In the meantime, plenty are falling through the safety net.
Lee (an alias), a 31-year-old Filipina, is one such case.
After marrying a Korean man in 2005, Lee moved from a small island in the Philippines to a tiny farming village tucked deep into the mountains of northeast Paju.
Shy to begin with, she faced a host of hurdles including an older husband who once scolded her for eating too much fruit without offering him some first. But after working side-by-side on their pig farm, the two warmed to each other, despite her never learning the language.
Two years ago, a water tank on the farm became overfilled and broke from its support, crushing and immediately killing her husband.
Lee sold the pigs and moved into a tiny apartment, far from support services, where she now lives with their six-year-old daughter, her savings dwindling.
She has slipped into lethargy and isolation, her social workers say.
Though she has considered going back to her homeland, she doesn‘t have a support system there either, not to mention her stepson refuses to sell the family land mostly hers  to finance the trip.
She seems stuck between wanting more en-gagement and staying put in the safety of the tiny, ground-level apartment

It would be nice to be closer to Filipinas and study Korean, she said. But I like it here. And I want to get along better with my stepson.‖
Worst of all, she cannot communicate with her daughter, who understands only Korean, not Lee‘s Tagalog.
I‘m worried how I‘m going to support her. I only want her to have a bright future here. That‘s my dream,‖ she said.
One look into the girl‘s eyes, however, as she lays on the blanket the two share for a bed, diligently etching Korean characters into a workbook, reveals the heavy burden she too is feeling.
Unfortunately, there are cases like this,‖ Cho said.
A brighter future
Perhaps it was when the television went crashing through the window, in one of her husband‘s drunken rages that Maria (an alias) began to plot her own future.
The Filipina, now 38, can‘t pinpoint the exact moment her dreams were revived, but knows when things began turning around and where she‘s going.
She too was living in isolation after arriv-ing in 2002 to find her husband to be chronically unemployed with a drinking problem. He would pick huge-late night quarrels with his parents, who wanted him to shape up and find work.
I didn‘t know Korean, so I couldn‘t com-municate with him,‖ she said. I didn‘t want to provoke him.‖
Amid the strife, she gave birth to the first of her three children. She also received a call from the center, which found her name on an official register and offered her free Korean lessons at her apartment.
Now, I can say whatever it is I am feeling and he can understand,‖ she said.
With her husband wrestling his demons, Maria, like so many others, often mulls divorce but says she plans to stay and is determined not to let him weigh her down.
Maria is now participating in an initiative by the city of Ilsan through which she teaches multiculturalism in public schools. She says she wants to study education and teach English at a private institute or public school.
As for her marriage, which she stays in for moral reasons,‖ she has learned to see beyond it to pursue a greater goal.
I don‘t think about him much,‖ she said. I got it on my own. If I study some more, I hope to teach. And I want to share my life story with others who are suffering so they won‘t feel so isolated like I did.‖

yjk@koreatimes.co.kr
source: http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/special/2011/07/139_90748.html

Stories of Multicultural Families

 T he language barrier, unfamiliar food, strange culture and lifestyle… These are some typical obstacles that marriage immigrants face, and they often lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication among family members. To help them better adapt their new lives in Korea, both the Korean government and non-governmental organizations are making efforts to support multicultural families.

Ms. Fernandez, a Filipina wife married to a Korean hus-band in Naju, Jeollanam-do (South Jeolla Province), had the same issues in her early married life in Korea, as nobody helped her learn the Korean language. She had no time to go to free Korean language classes offered at the community library or immigration center because she had to help her husband with farming work and raise their chil-dren. She has difficulties teaching Korean to her children at home due to her insufficient knowl-edge of Korean. But these days, she meets her Korean language teacher three times a week thanks to the government‘s children-rearing support project for multicultural families. Now she can talk better in Korean and feel better by releasing her stress, because her teacher listens to her stories and problems and introduces Ko-rean culture. 

Oguchi Yumi, a Japanese lady who lives in Busan, Gyeongsangnam-do (South Gyeongsang Province), with her Korean husband, is another beneficiary of the government‘s child rearing support project for multicultural families. She was unable to teach her kids Korean at home like ordinary Korean parents because of her lack of Korean language skills, but now she feels more confidence in teaching her children because she can receive help from her Korean language teacher.

 

On the seventh floor of the "Save the Children" building in Changcheon dong, Seoul, a 29-year-old Vietnamese teacher named Phuong is busy with seven children every second Saturday. These children are all from Vietnamese-Korean couples. Since November 2008, six Vietnamese teachers at the ―Hana Saturday Vietnam School‖ have been teaching Vietnamese culture and lan-guage to children from Korean-Vietnamese families in order to help immigrant spouses educate their children and live happier lives in Korea. Like Phuong, more Asian students studying in Korea are voluntarily joining such support groups in Korea to help marriage immigrants of their own nationality settle easily in Korea. More civic groups and local government entities also operate support programs for marriage immigrants and multi-cultural families. Along with non-governmental organizations, the Korea Foundation for Women is joining the movement. Through its multicul-turalism project, the organization supports vari-ous programs for marriage immigrants in cooperation with 29 related civic groups. It also provides 3 million won per person as emergency medical care in order to help marriage im-migrants in need.

 

Choe Seon-ae, a naturalized Korean, also had the same difficulties a few years ago when she came to Korea from China to live with her Korean husband. But she realized that marriage immigrants like her need to act as mentors for others because they can better understand their difficulties and solutions. Choe now works as a Korean-Chinese inter-preter and translator at various events and inter-national functions. For marriage immigrants like Choe, internet community cafes exist, where international spouses can exchange useful in-formation and support each other.

"Handa" (cafe.daum.net/handa09) is one of these cafes for multicultural families in Korea.

 

Cristina Confalonieri, one of the celebrity panelists on popular TV talk show "Beauty's Talk" is no exception to these difficulties, as an Italian wife living with her Korean husband and mother-in-law. Since her wedding in De-cember 2007, she has gone through trials and errors like other multicul-tural families, but she says there are no big difficulties, as long as family members accept and understand the differences between them as natural. At home she speaks Korean to her mother-in-law and Italian to her husband. At work, she speaks English to her co-workers in Yeoksam Global Village. She does make occasional mistakes because of cultural differences, but her husband and mother-in-law's support and understanding have helped her adapt to life in Korea better and have made her marriage happier.
 

This article is also published in the following website:
http://www.korea.net/detail.do?guid=28053

Tragedy fails to shake Filipina's belief in Korea By Cathy Rose A. Garcia

Few have become a symbol of Korea‘s multiculturalism like Jasmine Lee.Lee, who has appeared on television shows such as KBS‘ ``Love in Asia‘‘ and a cameo in the hit film ``Blood Brothers,‘‘ had no inkling her life would turn out this way when she first arrived in Korea in 1995.The pretty and dusky Filipina was a 17 year old college freshman in 1994 when she met Lee Dong-ho, then 29, a seaman who was staying in her hometown in Davao, southern Philippines. Despite their age gap, the romance led to
marriage a year-and-a-half later.Their marriage initially encountered opposition from his parents, who did not
understand why their eldest son would want to marry a foreigner. Plus language was also a big barrier, so she had to learn quickly.``I didn‘t even have a chance to teach my children English or Tagalog when they were small because I was busy learning Korean. We lived with my husband's parents and grandparents in the same house, and they‘re old. We didn't understand each other. It was impossible for me to ask them to learn English, so I learned on my own,‘‘ Lee, who is now fluent in Korean, said.At that time, there were no free Korean language classes, so Lee studied Korean from books, watched television dramas, and practiced with her husband and family members.When she went outside, Lee endured blatant stares and prying ques-tions from Koreans on the street. ``If I tell them I‘m married to a Korean, they would always ask, `Why? How did you meet? What does your husband do?‘ I always thought, `why do they have to ask those questions?‘ It was too stressful to answer those questions,‘‘ she said.
Lee also had to deal with people‘s misconceptions about the Philip-pines. Instead of getting offended by some Korean people‘s negative opinions about her country, she tried to understand where they were coming from.``I didn't blame them because they only saw the documentaries about poverty in the Philippines. Some people only knew the country was poor and some would tell me there are a lot of pickpockets and beggars,‘‘ she said.

Becoming Korean
In July 1996, she gave birth to a son Seung-geun, but when she saw the family registry, it only included her husband and son‘s name.``Since I was a foreigner, I was not included. I was living under the same roof, but
the government does not recognize me as a person living in that house. Am I a ghost? My child does not have a mother? So I decided to change to Korean citizenship (in 1998),‘‘ she said. Even after becoming a Korean citizen, Lee still felt very conspicuous. When her son began going to school in 2002, she did not accompany him to avoid letting people know that his mother is Filipina. By second grade, she ran out of excuses and had to go to her son‘s school.

``Children pointed out I was a foreigner, maybe from Africa, and I felt like a clown in a circus. I didn‘t want to but I still stood out in the crowd. I was worried my son would hear these comments and deny that I‘m his mother, but when Seung-geun saw me, he shouted `Omma,'‘‘ she re-membered fondly.It was hard at first, with other parents thinking that she was either an English teacher or a housekeeper who visited the school in place of Seung-geun‘s real mother.Her son and daughter also had to endure taunts and nasty nicknames, such as ``Philippine monkey‘‘ from some classmates, but Lee says her children are tough and would fight back.
``My son is cool about it, but he would fight them if they start calling his mother `wonsoongi‘ (monkey),‘‘ she said.While it was hard making that first step into Korean society, Lee real-ized it was necessary to go out more and gain acceptance. Once people became used to her, they even forgot she was a foreigner herself. ``I couldn‘t live my life inside the house all the time. I realized the more I hide, the more that people don't know (about multicultural families), the harder it will become,‘‘ she said.

Stepping out in society
As her social circle widened, opportunities started opening up for Lee. She joined a television quiz show and a New Year's Day singing contest for foreign wives, and worked as a translator for ``Love in Asia,‘‘ a show depicting the lives of multicultural families.Her happy family life was featured on the show, a welcome change from the usual sad stories. ``The writers wanted to feature my family because I was different: we were living in Seoul and in the same house with four generations of my husband‘s family. Plus I was good at Korean. They said it was a perfect example of multiculturalism,‘‘ she said.Soon after, Lee was hired to become a regular panelist on Love in Asia, where she met other foreign wives.These experiences have given Lee a realistic perspective on what it means to be a multiethnic family. She regularly gives lectures about multiculturalism in Korea for teachers and student leaders.``Each person has their own biases. We may think we don't have biases but they don't know it yet... I always tell them to discard their biases and prejudices. Some teachers think that they are protecting biracial children but their unnecessary sympathy can make it worse. The children get more annoyed when adults will make them feel that they are different from other kids,‘‘ she said.For instance, when her daughter was in first grade, a teacher told the class to be nice to her because her mother is a foreigner.``It‘s wrong for teachers to have this bias that just because she is bira-cial, then she will be a `wangtta‘ (outcast)... My daughter didn‘t even tell me about that experience, but now she said it is okay because the other children are looking up to her since she‘s been on TV,‘‘ Lee laughed.
For foreign spouses, she encourages them to make efforts to learn the language and to venture into Korean society, which she says are the keys to being accepted.``There is a big difference between those who speak and don‘t speak Korean. Especially when the children are growing up, they get annoyed when they speak better Korean than their mothers,‘‘ she added.

Dealing with tragedy
It has been a month since her husband Dong-ho died. He suffered a heart attack while rescuing his daughter, who was caught in a whirlpool in a mountain stream in Okcheon-dong, Gangwon province. Lee was devastated by her husband‘s death and is still coming to grips with it. ``I never realized how important he was in my life until he was gone. His mere presence was a source of comfort for me,‘‘ she said. A smile passes her lips, as she recalled how Dong-ho would pick her up at the subway station, and how he took charge of household chores when she started working. For the last 14 years she used the last name Ba, a shortened version of her real name. It was only in June when Dong-ho decided to file the paperwork necessary for Jasmine to change her surname to Lee. But in a twist of fate, Lee received the approval to carry her husband‘s last name a week after he died.
```It‘s his last gift for me,‘‘ she said, sadly. ``There were many times before when we wanted to change my name but didn't do it. Now that we did, he couldn't even wait for me to become a real Lee.‘‘Lee is not sure what the future holds for her family but she wants to keep making her husband proud. ``I do want to continue what I‘m doing. (My husband) was really proud of what I was doing,‘‘ she said.

UNLEARN SO YOU CAN LEARN by: Sharon Yasis-Kim

One day, one Filipina approached me. She said she was suffering from a very strict husband since the day she arrived here in Korea 6 months ago. She said that she could no longer live with that kind of man and wanted to run away. Aside from being strict, her husband is not also giving her money for her allowance. She asked for my help. However, I refused to the idea of running away, of course, because I do not know her situation. Instead, I asked in-formation about her and her husband thinking that I could give her other advice.

I know I could not give her the perfect solu-tion but I was hoping I could lessen her worries. Upon hearing her stories I recalled my own hardships in Korea. Based on what I experienced, I shared to her the strategy that I used to make my husband better in treating me. 

I told the Filipina not to run away since Korean husbands are kind. I asked her what kind of Korean food she can cook. She told me that she has been here for only less than a year so she cannot cook any Korean food for her hus-band. So, I told her that when you start cooking Korean food and give it to your husband, he will surely love you more. And about the money, I told her not to expect him to give her money, instead try to save money so her husband will know that she can take care of money well. It is a strategy that I think will make her husband trust her more when it comes to money. I wanted to talk to her more but I did not have enough time so I gave her my number. It was a simple advice in a short conversation.

After a week, I received a message from her. She told me that her husband bought her favor-ite food and she was thankful for my advice. She said that she learned how to cook Kimchi Stew and she told me that my advice worked well because when she started preparing Korean food, her husband really became nicer. I smiled after reading the message. We are not so close but until now we exchange messages, she told me that in these days; she is receiving more money from her husband as allowance and sometimes sends some for her family in the Philippines. I was not aware that my playful advice will do such wonder. That time, I just wanted to share with her my experiences as a Korean spouse here in Korea.

I suggest for those newly-married Korean spouse to be ready to embrace the culture before doing anything they want here in Korea. UNLEARN SO YOU CAN LEARN. Do not expect that what you learn in the Philippines are the same here in Korea. Do not expect that our Filipino culture is applicable in this country.
You will be totally stressed if you insist to do the Philippine way. Of course, our identity as a Filipino is important but not DURING THE LEARNING PROCESS for KOREAN SPOUSE. Of course, if you can do both culture while in Korea, that will be better. But, we know that most Korean men who get Korean spouse from other countries are not ―so young anymore. They have a conservative view about everything including the role of their wife.

I agree that most of the problems are rooted in the culture. But culture cannot be taught. It should be experienced and learned.

 

Some Filipinas expect that life here will be more enjoyable than in the Philippines. In our culture, women are respected as woman and mothers. In Korea, everyone has a role in the society. And the role of women here is to take care of the husband and the children. So if you expect to earn money to send to family in the Philippines, please do not do this immediately after arriving or at the early stage of marriage. Korean men are
naturally kind. If you are tak-ing care of your husband, he will surely do the same to you and extend it to your family in the Philippines.

 

Adjustment should be on the early stage so we (I include myself) can adapt easily. When asked about the specific adjustment to make, the first thing that comes to my mind is the food. Appreciate Korean food and learn how to make it. Preparing food for your husband will affect your Korean husband‘s attitude. I observed this from a Filipina who has been mar-ried for almost 20 years in Korea. She is living quietly and happily with her son and husband. After seeing that, I decided to prepare Korean food as one of the ways to show my love and care to my husband too. I noticed that when I started to learn and prepare Korean food, he became more kind to me. (^^kinder than be-fore).

 

I hope some Filipinas will reflect on how they treat their husband. I know that some Korean husbands are hard to deal with but I am also aware that most women do not consider thinking what might be their fault. If you are caring and kind to your husband, you can get the same treatment from him. It goes to other relationships. LUKE 6:31, ―Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. It is the Golden Rule, isn‘t it?

I thank SAMBAYANAN for the space they give to let people know stories about happily married Filipinas.
Stories of abuses and heart-breaks between Filipinas and their Korean husbands are all exposed in the media. It hurts the image of other Filipinas here in Korea who are happily married. While true reports of abuse should be reported, success stories should also receive the same amount of exposure particularly between Filipina and Korean husband. Most Koreans do not know that most successful marriages (intercultural marriages in Korea) are between Korean men and Filipina.

CARING, LOVING, and RESPECTFUL By Sharon Yasis-Kim

I met my husband in a big event in the Philippines, January 2007. But we started going out February of the same year. I was 26 then and my husband was 35. We became friends since I also work in that event. Anyway, to make the long story short, one day, he told me, “I like you a lot", in Korean. Communication was not that easy since I can speak only basic Korean and his English is not enough to express deeper vocabulary. But I felt that we were in love. He asked me to marry him and move to Korea. I said yes to both. I didn’t feel any hesitation about living with him in another country. I consider myself mature enough to live the married life. So, as a result, I moved and arrived in Korea in the same year that I met him.

I am aware of the adjustments that I have to do as soon as arrived in Korea. I learned from the Daughters of Saint Paul (a Catholic congregation in the Philippines) that in order to learn, one should unlearn first. I kept this principle in mind to help me in my adjustment to a new country and a new phase in life. The biggest challenge for me as a spouse of a Korean is to know South Korean culture. Some of the arguments during my first year of stay in Korea were caused by the difference in culture specifically the language. So, I really gave my best effort to know this country.

Now, I am completely into Korean culture and language. I am maintaining a website called KoreanFood101.com (http://www.koreanfood101.com) to educate and motivate myself about Korean food and its culture. It is more exciting than I expected. I am also maintaining a blog called “Living in Korea” (http://blog.daum.net/ksharon) at Daum. All blog entries are written in Korean to enhance my skills in writing using Korean language. I am also attending a Korean class for multicultural families to be connected to other foreign housewives. I think meeting other foreign housewives is one of the best ways to adopt and adjust as a Korean spouse. Because of these activities, I discovered that South Korea is a wonderful country with lovely people, rich culture and healthy food. I even voiced out in a Korean newspaper (Korean Herald, English, and they published it in 2008) about how I love South Korean food as well as my willingness to love this country for the sake of my husband.

Now, my husband and I have been together for over 3 years. We are still in love with each other. It’s not that we do not fight. Sure we have little arguments, and even big ones, but the way to handle problems should be respectful. My husband is the most respectful and caring person I have ever seen in my life. Friends told us that we are like a newlywed couple because we are always excited to see each other and exchange sweet phone talks and messages. They are always asking about our secret. And I always tell them that it is nothing than pure true love with an extreme amount of respect. The first thing he taught me when I arrived here in Korea is to always display respectful gestures and use polite Korean expressions.

With this kind of man, what else can I ask for? Married life with him is amazing. I am very grateful that God gave this kind of man to me. Even though there is no such thing as perfect, to me he is truly a perfect husband and soul mate. Perhaps, he is not very smart and romantic but he has three adorable qualities – CARING, LOVING, and RESPECTFUL.

As for the tips to other foreign housewives, I think one of the best ways to a successful marriage is to spend time together to know each other’s character. No one can tell you how to keep the marriage stronger because each person is different regardless of race.

As for me, I have concrete ways to please my husband: (1) I always say “I love You” before sleeping; (2) I always give him a kiss and a hug before he goes to work; (3) I always greet him with sweet smile when he comes back home; (4) I always use the polite Korean expressions to him even in the house (he told me to do so and he is also using polite expressions to me; (5) I do not go out with friends if my husband is at home.

Lastly, the best way to be successful in everything is to give your 100% and that is what I am giving to my husband now.

STATUS OF INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGE by Emely Dicolen-Abagat, Ph.D.

The number of marriages between Koreans and foreign nationals has rapidly increased over the past few years and it also has become a great concern not only of the Philippine and Korean governments but also of private organizations like the Hyehwadong Filipino Catholic Commu-nity. At this juncture, it would be good to note some information about this phenomenon.


Changes in Korean Family
This situation can be attributed to a lot of factors. The low birth rate and aging society of Korea has a great impact on Korean population. Korean couples today either opt to have just one child or none at all. As an ef-fect, there are more Koreans belonging to the ―senior citizen‖ age bracket than those of the younger age bracket.
Due to modernization and the pursuit of a better life condition, new family types emerged such as: weekend couples, living separately while one partner is abroad due to child‘s education, DINK (double income no kids) couples, single parent family, elderly living alone, and single household.

Statistics
Between 1990-2004, there were about 130,000 foreign women married to Korean men, majority of which are from the rural areas. As per re-cord women from China, Vietnam, Philippines, Mongolia, Uzbekistan and countries from Central Asia top the list. Korea, which was once a homogenous society turned into a multiethnic, multicultural society.
In the case of Filipinas married to Koreans, between 2000-2007, there were approximately 3,790. However, it rapidly increased to 6, 500 in 2009. To date, there are about 8,000 Filipinas married to Koreans, ma-jority in their 20‘s to 30‘s, married to farmers and fishermen in the rural areas. Most of them live with their husband and in-laws.

Ways of International Marriage
The common ways by which foreign women meet Korean men are through the introduction of a friend or a family member. Some of them are through direct meeting, meaning it is by their own choice. A number of them are through religious organizations and through brokers.

Common Reasons for Marrying
According to a survey, the common reasons of foreigners, specifically Filipinas, in marrying Korean nationals is that they consider it to be a passport for employment that could eventually help them in supporting their families back in the Philippines. For a few, it is just for some sense of adventure.
For Koreans, however, especially those who are in their 40‘s, they marry so that there is someone who could take care of him and his par-ents, bear children, and do house chores.

Common Problems of International Spouses
―Marriage is not always a bed of roses.‖ Problems arise and common of which are the following: abuses of marriage brokers, cultural and lan-guage barrier, verbal abuse and domestic violence, prejudice and dis-crimination, social isolation, and poor environment to raise children.
According to the Philippine Embassy in Seoul, the common problems noted based on those who seek their assistance are the following: do-mestic violence due to alcoholism of the husband, maltreatment by in-laws due to inefficiency in doing house chores, infidelity by the hus-band that results to frequent fighting, shouting matches, and misunder-standing, husband‘s deliberate denial of the children, and the husband‘s failure to support the children and the wife.

Korean Government’s Response
The Korean government is fully aware of this phenomenon and the issues and problems that go with it. This is the reason why it is provid-ing all the necessary programs and projects to be able to assist and help multicultural families to be able to integrate into the Korean family and society.
With this in mind, the Korean government came up with its integration policy for international spouses and came up with seven (7) priority areas. These are:
1. Stop irregular international marriage brokerage
2. Provide victims of violence legal status to stay in the country
3. Support early integration to Korean society
4. Facilitate adaptation in school life of the children from interna-tional couples
5. Expand social security services
6. Improve the image of international marriage
7. Establish an inter-ministerial cooperation mechanism

Our Response
Though international marriage offers a lot of good opportunities to couples, it also bring with it numerous challenges and prob-lems. Both parties need support from other people, from the gov-ernment and the private sectors.
As a community, one way of helping them is through education and advocacy. The HFCC, recognizing the fact that our fellow kababayans married to Koreans are part of the community, concretely responds to this challenge by featuring stories of interna-tional marriages in the SAMBAYANAN. This aims to enlighten readers about the different situations involving multicultural marriages, their hopes, their difficulties and challenges.
From January of 2011, we shall be featuring these stories, stories where we can learn from, stories which we can use in advocating for a better situation for multicultural marriages.

source : http://www.korea.net/cheditor40_asp/cheditor/attach/20081315234280349.jpg

Her Dreams…and the Reality By: Lyn C. Laurito

To deepen our knowledge of what Multi-Cultural Marriages or International Marriages is all about, one must not confine him-self or herself in what the papers say but to actually gather infor-mation, opinions and even experiences from those people who are actually living under the circumstances. Here‘s an experience of a sim-ple lady married to a Korean and how she was able to cope up with her new life.
Her name is Veronica Viray, but I‘m fond of calling her Nica and others call her Vero. She‘s 36 years old, hails from Penafrancia, Cupang, Antipolo City. She worked as a secretary, care-giver and teacher in the Philippines. In March 10, 2003 she came to Korea and got married on November 9, 2003, seven months after her arrival. But on November 30, 2008 they had their Church Wedding.
She said, she met her Korean husband through the Unification Church or what they called Moonis who matches Korean men to foreign women whom she said wanted to build a foundation of a unified and fulfilled family.
As early as 2001 her friend encouraged her to join the church and marry a Korean while she‘s training as a care-giver. She said her first inten-tion is to go abroad, get a job and to have a new adventure in life. She said she doesn‘t have any idea of Korea and what its people really like. All she knew was they are economically stable and they want things in order and are very fast. At first she was burdened with fears and wor-ries because she doesn‘t know what lies ahead for her. But she said there is a Big God in her heart
When she came to Korea in March 2003, she met her husband on the following month of April. And before starting a family the Unifica-tion Church set the 6 months program and trainings for the Korean wives. With these, she studied the Korean language, learned Korean dishes especially kimchi. And also studied the Korean culture, tradition and their national holidays.
She met a lot of people like halmeoni (grandma) harabeoji (grandpa), ajumma from the neighborhood and people from the Multi-cultural Support Center. These people helped her a lot and taught her how to transact business like matters in the bank and others. Her sister in law assisted her whenever she visited the doc-tor. These people, she said became the instru-ment of God and her strength to be able to adapt and live her life in Korea.
In her seven years of marriage, she encoun-tered a lot of problems and that she said she was tested by fire. At first, they were having problems in communication for they did not pass through the stage of getting to know each other. She said all she knew about her husband is that he is a man of few words and seldom speaks. And all they did was sign language and took a lot of patience before they finally under-stood themselves. And she said that the ―language of love‖ is the best communication.
With the Korean food, she found it hard to eat their spicy and smelly kimchi but with the insistence of her extended family she learned to appreciate it. Through this she was able to learn the value of appreciating things and how it will affect the other party in return. The beauty that lies within in one‘s self by learning how to accept and appreciate things.
And third is about financial matter. When they were just starting, she said that her hus-band kept many secrets from her. She cannot
even see his passbook or his salary, and she felt that she is nothing as a wife. Her husband is the one handling the money matters at home. When she was a little girl she was able to manage her ―baon‖ and save from it by putting in her piggy bank.
Her husband gave her money to spend for her personal needs and she made an accounting of everything she bought and showed it to her husband. Finally she made her husband trust her and now she‘s the one managing their fi-nances and they talk about money matters too and even gave his monthly salary to her. But she said she still gives him space and freedom in this aspect because she also wanted the same.
Nica said one of the things she loves in Ko-rea is the four (4) seasons especially the winter and spring season. She loves winter because of the snow, though in her first three years she felt uncomfortable wearing 3 layers of clothing and boots since she was not used to it, but now together with their children she enjoyed playing in the snow, making snowman and snowball. While during spring season, she loves to look at the trees and flowers starting to bloom. She said, watching them bloom makes her soul refreshed.
When asked what advice she can give to her fellow Filipina who wants to marry Koreans or other foreign nationals, she said she will ask first what is their definition of marriage. And only from the answers given she can base her advice. But definitely she must have a sense of commitment and matured enough to weigh things around her. The most important thing is she must have a deep relationships with God who will strengthen her when troubles come and whom she can depend on.
With all these, she thinks cultural differences especially in marriage would not be a problem but a challenge to have and live a happy life.

Filipina commits suicide after enduring marital abuse -- By Cathy Rose A. Garcia

A Filipina woman committed suicide last week, after allegedly suffering abuse and forced prostitution by her Korean husband in Gongju, South Chungcheong Province.

Cathy Bonesa Mae Deocades, a 25-year-old woman from General Santos City, southern Philippines, was found to have hung herself at her home in Gongju on Jan. 11.

Before her death, Deocades was quoted by some of her friends in Korea and her family in the Philippines that her husband, identified only as Park, repeatedly abused her and tried to sell her to other men for sex.

Deocades, who left behind a five-month-old baby girl, had allegedly suffered from postnatal depression and was admitted to the psychiatric ward section of a hospital last October.

“Cathy called her parents to say that she was very sad and wanted to leave. She asked them to send her money so she could go home,” a Filipino community leader in Gongju said. However, her family could not send the money for a plane ticket.

Deocades married Park in the Philippines in 2009 through a marriage broker. After moving to Korea, Deocades claimed she was being maltreated by her husband, who was a farmer, and her parents-in-law.

Deocades’ parents became increasingly concerned, and asked the Philippine Embassy personnel to visit her in Gongju. But when asked by the embassy personnel last October, she claimed to be fine and there was nothing to worry about.

Deocades’ friends became worried after they were unable to contact or see her from December, and any phone calls were interrupted or stopped.

While the Gongju City police ruled Deocades’ death was suicide due to depression, her family in the Philippines believes there might be some foul play involved.

Deocades’ body arrived in General Santos City, Wednesday, and an autopsy was conducted, with the results to be released in a few days.

Her husband reportedly gave 1.5 million won to Deocades’ family.

There have been an increasing number of arranged marriages between Korean men and foreign women, mostly from Southeast Asia, in Korea. Many problems have arisen due to language and cultural barriers, as well as the age gap between the Korean men and foreign women.

Last year, a 20-year-old Vietnamese woman was killed by her mentally-unstable Korean husband eight days after arriving in Korea.


source : http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2011/01/117_80035.html

Family of late Filipina bride calls for probe By Cathy Rose A. Garcia

The grieving family of a deceased 25-year-old Filipino woman, who had complained of abuse at the hands of her Korean husband and mother-in-law, say that the cause of her death cannot be suicide.

Larino Deocades, father of the late bride Cathy, said he and his family are awaiting the results of an autopsy conducted by the General Santos City Health Office on the remains of his daughter. The results will be released by the end of the week.

“We want an investigation into her death... Cathy had repeatedly told us that she was being abused by her mother-in-law and husband. But we are waiting for the results of the autopsy here,” Deocades told The Korea Times in a phone interview from General Santos City, southern Philippines.

Deocades sounded distraught, saying that he did not believe the Korean police’s report that his daughter killed herself by hanging.

“I know my daughter. I don’t think she would have killed herself... She kept calling and calling us in the past few months, always asking us to bring her home,” he said.

Cathy was found hanging at her home in Gongju, South Chungcheong Province, on Jan. 11.

“I saw Cathy’s body when it was brought here. I noticed the bruises all over her body, and some burn marks on her abdomen. The Korean police said it was suicide by hanging, but the rope marks on her neck are suspicious. It does not look like suicide to me,” Deocades said.

Deocades said that when the autopsy results are released, and if they rule out suicide, the family will request a further investigation by Korean authorities.

Cathy was married to a Korean man named Park in 2009, and moved to Korea the same year. After giving birth to a baby girl last year, she suffered postpartum depression and was confined to a hospital in October.

Deocades said his daughter told him of the abuse she suffered, including being sold to other men.

Last October, the family had already asked the Philippine Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) for assistance, so embassy personnel checked on Cathy’s condition. But Cathy reportedly told the embassy personnel that she was fine.

“Cathy was the type of a person who didn’t tell us all her problems. She wanted to leave (her husband) many times, but she couldn’t because she did not want to leave her daughter.”

The family is also seeking custody of their five-month-old granddaughter, who is currently living with Park and his family.

Deocades also said a relative of Park’s family called him up to extend condolences to his family. “They told us they were really sad and concerned about what happened to Cathy,” he said.

source:  http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/biz/2011/01/123_80239.html

Manila asks for tighter screening on Korean grooms. By Cathy Rose A. Garcia

The Korean government should implement a stricter screening of interracial marriages between Korean men and foreign women, especially those from the Philippines, said Philippine Ambassador to Korea Luis Cruz, Tuesday.

In an interview with The Korea Times, Cruz suggested a consul be assigned to the Korean Embassy in Manila to check the F-2 visa applications of Filipino spouses of Korean citizens.

“We hope that Seoul can send a consul to the embassy, where they can screen the applicants better,” he said.

Cruz met with Minister of Gender Equality and Family Paik Hee-young last week, along with envoys from China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Uzbekistan, Thailand, and Mongolia to discuss the issues regarding interracial marriages and multicultural families.

The ministry is sending a consul to the Korean Embassy in Vietnam in February to screen the applications of Vietnamese women who are marrying Korean men. Last year, a young Vietnamese woman was murdered here by her psychologically troubled Korean husband.

Cruz hoped the ministry can do the same for the embassy in Manila, especially in light of the recent alleged suicide of a Filipino woman, Cathy Deocades, in Gongju, South Chungcheong Province. Deocades was abused by the Korean husband she met through a marriage broker in the Philippines.

While marriage brokers and mail order bride agencies are allowed in Korea, the Philippines has a law prohibiting organizing or facilitating marriages between Filipino women and foreign men.

However, this has not stopped illegal marriage brokers from arranging marriages between Korean men and much younger Filipino women.

“Another way to address this is to require Korean men to undergo cultural orientation in the Philippines, so they can also learn about the culture,” Cruz said, adding this may lessen misunderstandings.

Fr. Alvin Parantar, head chaplain of the Hyehwa-dong Filipino Catholic community in Seoul, suggested temporarily suspending marriages between Korean men and Filipino women until stricter regulations are imposed. He also pushed the Philippine government to crack down on illegal marriage brokers.

“The Korean Embassy in Manila should also have some kind of system to monitor and control these arranged marriages. They should try to check the qualifications and psychological status of the Korean men before they enter into a complex relationship like marriage with a foreign wife,” Parantar told The Korea Times.

“The Korean government should not just concentrate on programs teaching Korean language and culture for foreign wives, but also make Korean men more aware of their wives’ respective cultures.

“The government’s multicultural programs are all about ‘Koreanizing’ the women, but the men should also learn and respect their wives’ cultures. It shouldn’t be just a one-sided thing, but it should be a mutual process of learning for both husband and wife,” Parantar said.

cathy@koreatimes.co.kr
source: http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/biz/2011/01/123_80314.html

Cambodia Forbids Marriage to Koreans By Lee Tae-hoon Staff Reporter

Cambodia has temporarily banned its citizens from tying the knot with Korean nationals, officials at the Korean Embassy in the Southeast Asian country said Friday.

On its Web site, the Korean embassy announced that it was notified of the decision by the Cambodian government on March 5 through an official document.

According to officials of the embassy, the Cambodian government claimed that the measure was drawn up in line with efforts to prevent human trafficking.

The government has also expressed its concern that marriages to Koreans through brokers or matchmakers have become common practice, although it is illegal there.

The number of marriages to Korean nationals accounts for nearly 60 percent of the country's total multicultural marriages, according to them.

The number of Cambodians marrying to Koreans stood at 1,759 in 2007, up from 365 in the previous year. The figure dropped to 551 in 2008.

leeth@koreatimes.co.kr

source: http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2010/07/116_62672.htmlhttp://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2010/07/116_62672.html

More migrant women engage in selling sex By Lee Hyo-sik

An increasing number of foreign women who come here to marry Korean men are running away from home and engaging in prostitution to earn ``easy money,” creating a daunting task for the immigration authorities.

Substantial numbers of migrant wives decide not to live with their Korean husbands and their families, due to financial hardship among other reasons. They then try to stand on their own feet by normally working as helpers at restaurants or other low-paying places.

But some of them choose to sell sex in karaoke bars, massage parlors and other late-night entertainment establishments, lured by larger sums of money.

Several groups of migrant women over the past few weeks have been caught engaging in the sex trade, not only in Seoul and its adjacent cities but also in rural areas.

They are normally deported back to their home countries.

Experts say that the Korean government should tighten the rules on Korean men seeking to tie the knot with foreign women, as well as ensure that foreign wives are properly treated by their husbands and in-laws.

To help foreign wives adapt to new surroundings here and refrain from engaging in prostitution and other illicit activities, the government should provide multicultural families with comprehensive support measures.

On Jan. 20, the police raided a brothel, disguised as a barbershop, in Ulsan where two Chinese Korean women in their 40s sold sex. Investigators booked a 50-year-old Chinese Korean who manages the place, the two women and a man buying sex at the time of the raid. The brothel has been operating since December last year and was found to have earned over 24 million won.

According to the Ulsan Metropolitan Police Agency, the two women entered the country by marrying Korean men. But soon after, they left homes and became prostitutes to earn money for their families in China.

``A large number of Korean men tying the knot with foreign women grapple with financial hardship. Many of the women run away from home to make money. Some work at restaurants and other low-paying service businesses, while others engage in prostitution,’’ a police officer said.

He said another establishment suspected of selling sex was raided on Dec. 23 and 10 foreign women employed as prostitutes there were deported back to their home countries.

Kang Sung-hea, chief director of the Emergency Support Center for Migrant Women, said the government should make it more difficult for those who sexually exploit migrant women.

``I know that some foreign wives come here to make easy money by selling sex. They should be deported to their home countries immediately. But many are forced into prostitution against their will or just to make ends meet. We should first look into why they have to run away from their husbands and sell sex for survival,’’ Kang said.

The center, established in 2006 to help foreign women cope here, is affiliated with the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family. Besides its headquarters in central Seoul, there are six other branch offices across the nation.

The chief director then said law enforcement authorities should give harsher punishments to those taking advantage of foreign wives.

``Foreign women forced into prostitution by their husbands or others should be given a second chance to live a descent life here. They should not be indiscriminately deported back to their home nations.’’

There are no official statistics on how many foreign women are currently engaged in prostitution, Kang said, adding their number will likely increase down the road.

``About 140,000 non-Korean women currently reside here. Last year alone, a total of 25,000 foreign women came here mostly as brides to Korean men. Our centers, along with Multicultural Family Support Centers, should be given more resources to provide a comprehensive package of solutions to migrant women and their family members for a more stable life,’’ she said.

source : http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2011/01/117_80476.html