CARING, LOVING, and RESPECTFUL By Sharon Yasis-Kim

I met my husband in a big event in the Philippines, January 2007. But we started going out February of the same year. I was 26 then and my husband was 35. We became friends since I also work in that event. Anyway, to make the long story short, one day, he told me, “I like you a lot", in Korean. Communication was not that easy since I can speak only basic Korean and his English is not enough to express deeper vocabulary. But I felt that we were in love. He asked me to marry him and move to Korea. I said yes to both. I didn’t feel any hesitation about living with him in another country. I consider myself mature enough to live the married life. So, as a result, I moved and arrived in Korea in the same year that I met him.

I am aware of the adjustments that I have to do as soon as arrived in Korea. I learned from the Daughters of Saint Paul (a Catholic congregation in the Philippines) that in order to learn, one should unlearn first. I kept this principle in mind to help me in my adjustment to a new country and a new phase in life. The biggest challenge for me as a spouse of a Korean is to know South Korean culture. Some of the arguments during my first year of stay in Korea were caused by the difference in culture specifically the language. So, I really gave my best effort to know this country.

Now, I am completely into Korean culture and language. I am maintaining a website called KoreanFood101.com (http://www.koreanfood101.com) to educate and motivate myself about Korean food and its culture. It is more exciting than I expected. I am also maintaining a blog called “Living in Korea” (http://blog.daum.net/ksharon) at Daum. All blog entries are written in Korean to enhance my skills in writing using Korean language. I am also attending a Korean class for multicultural families to be connected to other foreign housewives. I think meeting other foreign housewives is one of the best ways to adopt and adjust as a Korean spouse. Because of these activities, I discovered that South Korea is a wonderful country with lovely people, rich culture and healthy food. I even voiced out in a Korean newspaper (Korean Herald, English, and they published it in 2008) about how I love South Korean food as well as my willingness to love this country for the sake of my husband.

Now, my husband and I have been together for over 3 years. We are still in love with each other. It’s not that we do not fight. Sure we have little arguments, and even big ones, but the way to handle problems should be respectful. My husband is the most respectful and caring person I have ever seen in my life. Friends told us that we are like a newlywed couple because we are always excited to see each other and exchange sweet phone talks and messages. They are always asking about our secret. And I always tell them that it is nothing than pure true love with an extreme amount of respect. The first thing he taught me when I arrived here in Korea is to always display respectful gestures and use polite Korean expressions.

With this kind of man, what else can I ask for? Married life with him is amazing. I am very grateful that God gave this kind of man to me. Even though there is no such thing as perfect, to me he is truly a perfect husband and soul mate. Perhaps, he is not very smart and romantic but he has three adorable qualities – CARING, LOVING, and RESPECTFUL.

As for the tips to other foreign housewives, I think one of the best ways to a successful marriage is to spend time together to know each other’s character. No one can tell you how to keep the marriage stronger because each person is different regardless of race.

As for me, I have concrete ways to please my husband: (1) I always say “I love You” before sleeping; (2) I always give him a kiss and a hug before he goes to work; (3) I always greet him with sweet smile when he comes back home; (4) I always use the polite Korean expressions to him even in the house (he told me to do so and he is also using polite expressions to me; (5) I do not go out with friends if my husband is at home.

Lastly, the best way to be successful in everything is to give your 100% and that is what I am giving to my husband now.

STATUS OF INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGE by Emely Dicolen-Abagat, Ph.D.

The number of marriages between Koreans and foreign nationals has rapidly increased over the past few years and it also has become a great concern not only of the Philippine and Korean governments but also of private organizations like the Hyehwadong Filipino Catholic Commu-nity. At this juncture, it would be good to note some information about this phenomenon.


Changes in Korean Family
This situation can be attributed to a lot of factors. The low birth rate and aging society of Korea has a great impact on Korean population. Korean couples today either opt to have just one child or none at all. As an ef-fect, there are more Koreans belonging to the ―senior citizen‖ age bracket than those of the younger age bracket.
Due to modernization and the pursuit of a better life condition, new family types emerged such as: weekend couples, living separately while one partner is abroad due to child‘s education, DINK (double income no kids) couples, single parent family, elderly living alone, and single household.

Statistics
Between 1990-2004, there were about 130,000 foreign women married to Korean men, majority of which are from the rural areas. As per re-cord women from China, Vietnam, Philippines, Mongolia, Uzbekistan and countries from Central Asia top the list. Korea, which was once a homogenous society turned into a multiethnic, multicultural society.
In the case of Filipinas married to Koreans, between 2000-2007, there were approximately 3,790. However, it rapidly increased to 6, 500 in 2009. To date, there are about 8,000 Filipinas married to Koreans, ma-jority in their 20‘s to 30‘s, married to farmers and fishermen in the rural areas. Most of them live with their husband and in-laws.

Ways of International Marriage
The common ways by which foreign women meet Korean men are through the introduction of a friend or a family member. Some of them are through direct meeting, meaning it is by their own choice. A number of them are through religious organizations and through brokers.

Common Reasons for Marrying
According to a survey, the common reasons of foreigners, specifically Filipinas, in marrying Korean nationals is that they consider it to be a passport for employment that could eventually help them in supporting their families back in the Philippines. For a few, it is just for some sense of adventure.
For Koreans, however, especially those who are in their 40‘s, they marry so that there is someone who could take care of him and his par-ents, bear children, and do house chores.

Common Problems of International Spouses
―Marriage is not always a bed of roses.‖ Problems arise and common of which are the following: abuses of marriage brokers, cultural and lan-guage barrier, verbal abuse and domestic violence, prejudice and dis-crimination, social isolation, and poor environment to raise children.
According to the Philippine Embassy in Seoul, the common problems noted based on those who seek their assistance are the following: do-mestic violence due to alcoholism of the husband, maltreatment by in-laws due to inefficiency in doing house chores, infidelity by the hus-band that results to frequent fighting, shouting matches, and misunder-standing, husband‘s deliberate denial of the children, and the husband‘s failure to support the children and the wife.

Korean Government’s Response
The Korean government is fully aware of this phenomenon and the issues and problems that go with it. This is the reason why it is provid-ing all the necessary programs and projects to be able to assist and help multicultural families to be able to integrate into the Korean family and society.
With this in mind, the Korean government came up with its integration policy for international spouses and came up with seven (7) priority areas. These are:
1. Stop irregular international marriage brokerage
2. Provide victims of violence legal status to stay in the country
3. Support early integration to Korean society
4. Facilitate adaptation in school life of the children from interna-tional couples
5. Expand social security services
6. Improve the image of international marriage
7. Establish an inter-ministerial cooperation mechanism

Our Response
Though international marriage offers a lot of good opportunities to couples, it also bring with it numerous challenges and prob-lems. Both parties need support from other people, from the gov-ernment and the private sectors.
As a community, one way of helping them is through education and advocacy. The HFCC, recognizing the fact that our fellow kababayans married to Koreans are part of the community, concretely responds to this challenge by featuring stories of interna-tional marriages in the SAMBAYANAN. This aims to enlighten readers about the different situations involving multicultural marriages, their hopes, their difficulties and challenges.
From January of 2011, we shall be featuring these stories, stories where we can learn from, stories which we can use in advocating for a better situation for multicultural marriages.

source : http://www.korea.net/cheditor40_asp/cheditor/attach/20081315234280349.jpg